Managing conflict: why avoidance isn’t the answer

Key takeaways:

1. Learn how avoiding conflict can create bigger management issues and impact trust in leadership.
2. Understand the difference between real micromanagement and necessary oversight in leadership.
3. Discover practical strategies to encourage healthy conflict and foster a culture of accountability.

Micromanagement: when you need to ask yourself why you’re being micromanaged!

We’ve all had that boss—the one who hovers over your shoulder, questions every move, and seems to have a finger in every pie. Yes, we’re talking about the notorious micromanager. Every time they loom over you, you can’t help but think, “Why did you hire me if you can do it better yourself?”. I saw a brilliant social media thread on this subject, where someone asked:

“Would you rather be lost in the woods with a hungry bear, or lost in the woods with a micromanager over-explaining every step you need to take to get home?”

Almost everyone opted for the bear; a little tongue-in-cheek, sure, but it highlights just how frustrating micromanagement can feel.

The root of the micromanagement misdiagnosis

That said, I’ve noticed a worrying trend—an increase in people claiming they’re being micromanaged when, in reality, they’re just being managed. More often than not, what’s really happening is a failure to manage upwards. In other words, employees aren’t effectively communicating with their managers, leaving them unsure whether work is on track. And when managers lack confidence in their team’s ability to deliver, they step in more.

Micromanagement is often, but not always, a symptom of an underlying problem. If employees don’t provide visibility into their work, clarify their intentions, or instil confidence in their abilities, managers will naturally feel the need to be more involved. And so begins the vicious cycle—trust breaks down, leaders feel they have no choice but to exert more control, and employees become increasingly frustrated. The end result? Exhaustion on both sides. The employee feels micromanaged, the manager feels like they have to keep stepping in. 

Avoidance is rarely the best approach

The reality is that not all conflict is bad. In fact, healthy conflict is often what leads to the best outcomes. But rather than engage in constructive conversations, some employees state they are being “micromanaged” as a defence mechanism, a way to avoid being scrutinised.

I’ve seen this firsthand—managers simply seeking more visibility or asking legitimate questions being met with hostility and accusations of micromanagement. It’s part of a broader trend where employees take terms like micromanagement and twist them to their advantage, making managers feel uneasy about holding their team accountable.

Don’t get me wrong, micromanagers do exist, and ARE the problem, but any HR professional will tell you the facts you are presented with are rarely the whole story. When you get under the skin of what is happening, for every 10 claims of micromanagement, roughly 6 or 7 of these turn out to be a misdiagnosis, a deflective statement without merit, or an avoidance tactic.

Micromanagement isn’t the only term that gets twisted. We once trained a team on the importance of psychological safety, only to find the term misused within days. Suddenly, employees were shutting down conversations by claiming their psychological safety was at risk—when, in reality, managers were just calling out poor behaviours and trying to manage points of conflict in an effective and healthy way. When language is reversed to avoid conflict, it diminishes the experiences of those who genuinely suffer from toxic work environments.

Are you micromanaging, or simply managing effectively? 

To add some clarity, below are some characteristics of a micromanager alongside examples of some more effective managerial behaviours:

Micromanaging	Managing effectively
Not letting employees start working on something until you personally approve every step. Insisting on being copied into all emails. Dictating exactly how work must be done instead of focusing on results. Double-checking every single piece of work. Refusing to be flexible in how tasks are completed.	Offering a range of possible ways forward. Ensuring appropriate governance and accountability are in place. Asking why things are being done a certain way. Providing feedback to help improve outcomes. Identifying an issue and working with the individual to resolve it.

Managing up: the key to breaking the cycle

So, how do we move past this? The answer is deceptively simple: communicate, communicate, communicate—both ways. “Managing up” isn't just corporate buzzword phrase, it's a critical skill. When you “manage up” well, you ensure that your boss understands your capabilities, trusts your judgment, and supports your initiatives. This, in turn, gives you the autonomy to do your job effectively. If you do it well and you’re still being scrutinised, then it may be time to admit you’re being micromanaged and tackle the issue.

To be able to solve the issue of micromanagement, we need to first tackle our own behaviours and manage up effectively, which almost always resolves the issue. It is then on the managers to create an environment where healthy conflict is embraced, trust is high, and managing upwards is a valued skill that makes a key difference for all.

What employees can do:

• Be proactive—don’t wait for your manager to ask for updates; provide them upfront.
• Clarify expectations—make sure you understand what your manager needs from you.
• Seek feedback—rather than resist constructive criticism, welcome it.
• Show alignment—demonstrate how your work contributes to broader goals.
• Explain your approach—if you’re doing something differently, help your manager understand why. 

What managers can do:

• Set clear expectations—explain what oversight is necessary and why.
• Coach, don’t dictate—help employees develop their own solutions rather than handing them answers.
• Encourage open dialogue—foster a culture where feedback and challenge are welcomed.
• Challenge avoidance tactics—don’t let employees use buzzwords to shut down conversations.
• Self-reflect—if accused of micromanagement, step back and assess whether it’s a perception issue or a real concern.
• Understand the real vs. the perceived signs of micromanagement
• Micromanagement exists, but it’s important to distinguish between actual micromanagement and good management. 

Step into conflict, don’t step away

Micromanagement is often a symptom rather than the root problem. More often than not, the real issue is avoidance; employees avoiding accountability, managers avoiding necessary conversations, and teams avoiding conflict altogether.

If you’re a manager being accused of micromanagement, don’t just accept it at face value. Take a moment to reflect. Are you truly over-controlling, or are you simply trying to do your job? If you’re an employee who feels micromanaged, ask yourself: Am I providing my manager with the visibility they need? Am I effectively managing up?

Avoiding conflict rarely makes things better. Engaging in it—thoughtfully, constructively, and openly—creates healthier teams, stronger leaders, and ultimately, better workplaces. It’s time we stop running from conflict and start managing it properly.