Understand what you need: 5 tips to help you maximise your professional development

When asked, “What do you need?”, many people find themselves at a loss for words. This seemingly simple question often leaves individuals stumped, revealing a deeper psychological complexity that warrants exploration. 

In this article, our Director of People Development, Paul Armstrong, explores the deceptively difficult process of understanding what you need, the psychology behind it, and what you can do to bridge the gap and accelerate your professional development.

The challenge of self-identification

As an executive coach, I’ve been surprised over the years as to how many people find it difficult to answer what appears to be a simple, innocuous question - but why?

Articulating one’s needs is not just about identifying resources or support, it’s about self-awareness, vulnerability, and the ability to prioritise one’s own wellbeing amidst a sea of responsibilities. The difficulty in answering this question often stems from a combination of internal and external factors that inhibit clear self-expression.

 The psychology behind the struggle

1. Lack of self-awareness: Many people are not fully in tune with their own needs. This lack of self-awareness can be attributed to a busy lifestyle, societal expectations, or a focus on external achievements rather than internal fulfilment. When individuals are constantly on the go, they rarely take the time to reflect on what truly matters to them.
   Example: Sarah, a high-achieving marketing executive, spends her days juggling meetings, deadlines, and client demands. When asked what she needs, she struggles to answer because she has never taken the time to consider her own needs amidst her hectic schedule.
   
   
2. Fear of vulnerability: Admitting what one needs can feel like exposing a weakness. In a culture that often values self-sufficiency and resilience, expressing needs can be perceived as a sign of dependency or inadequacy. This fear of vulnerability can prevent people from acknowledging their needs, even to themselves. 
   Example: Arjun, a senior manager, feels the pressure to always appear strong and capable in front of his team. When asked what he needs, he hesitates to admit that he could use more support and understanding from his colleagues, fearing it might change their perception of him.
   
   
3. Social conditioning: From a young age, many are taught to prioritise the needs of others over their own. This altruistic mindset, while noble, can lead to a neglect of personal needs. Over time, individuals may become so accustomed to putting others first that they lose sight of their own requirements.
   Example: Jamal, a dedicated nurse, has spent her career caring for patients and putting their needs above her own. When asked what she needs, she finds it difficult to articulate her own desires because she has been conditioned to focus on others.
   
   
4. Complexity of needs: Human needs can be difficult to articulate and range from the tangible, like financial security, to the intangible, like emotional support. The complexity of these needs can make it challenging to pinpoint and express them succinctly.
   Example: Alex, a freelance graphic designer, knows he needs more stability in his income but also craves creative freedom. Balancing these conflicting needs makes it hard for him to clearly state what he truly requires.
   
   
5. Fear of rejection or judgement: There is often a fear that expressing one’s needs will lead to rejection or judgment from others. This fear can be particularly pronounced in professional settings, where individuals may worry about how their needs will be perceived by colleagues or superiors.
   Example: Tariq, a junior lawyer, is hesitant to ask for more flexible working hours to manage her work-life balance. She fears that her request might be seen as a lack of commitment to her job.

Bridging the gap

Understanding these psychological barriers is the first step towards overcoming them. Here are some strategies that can facilitate this process:

1. Encourage self-reflection: Create a safe space for self-exploration. Journaling, mindfulness practices, or regular check-ins can foster greater self-awareness.
2. Normalise vulnerability: Recognise that expressing needs is a sign of self-awareness and courage, not weakness. Sharing stories and examples that highlight the strength in vulnerability can help.
3. Reframe social conditioning: Challenge the notion that prioritising one’s own needs is selfish. Emphasise the importance of self-care and how it enables individuals to be more effective and compassionate in their roles.
4. Simplify the process: Break down the question into smaller, more manageable parts. Consider different areas of life (e.g., personal, professional, emotional) and identify specific needs in each area.
5. Build confidence: Reinforce the idea that expressing needs is a step towards personal and professional growth. Provide positive reinforcement and celebrate small victories along the way.

A gateway to deeper self-understanding

The question “What do you need?” is more than a simple inquiry; it’s a gateway to deeper self-understanding and personal growth. By addressing the psychological barriers that make this question challenging, people can learn to articulate their needs with clarity and confidence. In doing so, they not only enhance their personal well-being but also their capacity to lead and inspire others.